It was a dark and inconvenient night. Gromit had drawn himself a bath, there were candles lit, and
he had a glass of toilet water chilled at thirty-four degrees. He had just shut the door when the phone
rang. Gromit winced at the sound. At nine o’clock at night, there was no way this was a social call. Not
that Wallace received many social calls in the first place.
“Hello, Gromit’s Ghost Garage! Your rest is our peace!” Wallace said. Gromit pricked up his ears but couldn’t make out anything coming from the other line. Wallace continued, “Yes, we’re available.” Gromit’s head drooped. He took the plug out of the bath and emptied his glass.
“Oh, I see. Your home has all the signs of being haunted. Piano playing itself, doors opening, scratching on the walls. Oh, I’ve seen it all before. Yes ma’am, we can be by tonight. And what was your name again, Miss? Lady Bow…A very charming name. Oh, you’re the gal living in the mansion on the other side of town. You’ll forgive me, I didn’t know anyone was living there for 13 years! I’ll be very pleased to see it.”
Gromit’s eyes grew wider at every word that left Wallace’s mouth. He shook his head. He stepped into the kitchen and pushed down on the toaster. This flipped the wall around into the garage. Gromit pulled on his overalls and took his Muenster-Mash 3000 off the wall and adjusted the nozzle from blow to suck. He flipped a switch which revealed an emergency pole beside the upstairs telephone.
“Expect us very soon, Lady Bow!” Wallace hung up the phone and slid down into a pair of his own overalls. When he landed in the garage, he greeted his best friend. “Gromit! I take it you heard all the way downstairs. Such a clever dog. Hopefully the call didn’t disturb you, eh boy?”
Gromit just grasped for the light string. It brushed against his nose; it wrinkled as he pulled the switch. As soon as he did that there was a surge of light and the bulb burst! Gromit watched his feet, there was glass everywhere.
“My fault!” Wallace cried out into the dark. “I’m sorry Gromit, I must have left my pouch on the charger again. These designs from Professor Gadd just don’t seem to be built for British wattage!”
Gromit rolled his eyes and started the van. He’d have to sweep up when they got back. Together, they put the directions into the GPS (Ghoul’s Permeating Spot). The garage opened and off they went.
The parking spot was not close to the address at all. Wallace & Gromit had to get out on foot with only the packs on their backs. A long pathway winded through dying trees and a barren yard with grassy patches that poked up here and there.
“Maybe I should tell them about our post-haunting clean up crew,” Wallace said out loud. Gromit wasn’t sure why Wallace always acted as though the clean up crew wasn’t just them in a different set of clothes.
At last, they came upon the mansion. Gromit’s neck craned up, it must have been three stories high, maybe even with a basement. Gromit had helped out sprawling manors before, but something about this felt threatening. It must have been the ambiguity of night. He might have barked if he ever considered that kind of action.
”Funny, the windows are all shuttered with wood,” Wallace said, inspecting the nails. “The storm last week must have busted every window in the house.” Wallace was content with this hypothesis, but Gromit took a closer look at the rusty nails. The wood it held together was warped and frayed.
“Hello?” Wallace cried out as he knocked on the door. “Lady Bow? Your ghost hunters have arrived!” Gromit walked around the front porch looking for another entry point. It was clear that no one was coming to open the locked door. “That’s funny,” Wallace said, “There’s no one home.”
One of the boards was able to swing open. Gromit waved his hands to get Wallace’s attention. A smile opened his cheesy grin. “Good lad, Gromit. Perhaps the Lady of the house is detained by the specters.”
Wallace & Gromit stepped into the main entryway. A gorgeous staircase wrapped up and down from left to right. Double doors stood strong underneath. Wallace gave a whistle and looked at all of the doors that led in every direction of this mansion.
“Quite the establishment she’s got here. Now if I were haunting this place, I’d walk right through those doors. A place like this should lead to a grand hall or ball room, wouldn’t you say, Gromit?”
Gromit gave a shrug. Sometimes it seemed like Wallace only started this business to see these big homes up close. They gave him ideas for contraptions at home. The doors creaked open easy enough, revealing a long hall of knights’ armor. They all held axes, maces and other accessories. Wallace walked through without a care in the world; Gromit trailed behind pointing his flashlight at each faceless guard.
“Hurry along, Gromit! I think it’s a ballroom up ahead!” Gromit’s head swiveled to Wallace just as a knight’s arms swung down. The axe it held nearly took off Gromit’s tail! He flashed his light and started the vacuum but nothing was caught in the light. Gromit held his heart from nerves. Wallace put a hand on Gromit’s shoulder, causing another flinch. “They’re not going to spoil the anticipation this soon, lad. Now come on!”
The ballroom was glorious. It was decorated in such a meticulous way that would be very difficult for animators to replicate. Ornate designs of greenery and cherubs danced up and down the balustrades. Gromit checked for movement in the little angels’ eyes to no avail. Wallace shined a light towards the center steps at the sound of a voice.
“Wallace. And Gromit! How blessed we are to have you join us.” It was a sweet voice that echoed around the pillars that made it difficult to pin down. Gromit felt a chill down his spine and turned his back to Wallace. Was that movement he saw in the corner of his eye?
“You must be Lady Bow,” Wallace said to a figure he couldn’t see. “Are you safe? I’m afraid we had to let ourselves in.”
“Quite. I’m afraid I wasn’t entirely honest when I called you over here, Mr. Wallace.”
“Not entirely honest?” A sad look of surprise came over Wallace. “Do you mean that there are no ghosts here after all?”
While Wallace spoke to the staircase, Gromit took a closer look above them. His eyes took the size of saucers at the sight of dozens of little ghosts refusing to look at him, their pointed arms covering their eyes.
“Oh there are most definitely ghosts, my cheeky friend. I mean that I called you because I especially wanted to meet you.”
“To meet us? That’s very flattering,” Wallace trailed off as if to say more but couldn’t find the point.
Gromit wanted to turn back to Wallace, but every time he took the flashlight away, he felt as if the Peek-a-Boo ghosts moved a little closer to him. He snapped his fingers in a vain attempt for attention.
“Yes. To meet you,” said Lady Bow. Her voice was now sickly-sweet, dripping every word. She said, “You see, you’ve been all over town taking away my friends and I thought it was about time someone taught you and your dog a lesson.”
Wallace gulped. “Your friends?”
Lady Bow appeared, a pale green ghost in a trademark red bow. She held a fan and laughed into it. “Yes! And they’re all here ready to watch the show!”
Her face morphed into a hideous maw with jagged teeth. She rushed over the steps and over Wallace’s face. Gromit had to watch in horror as Wallace’s face was scrambled. She came off of him and Wallace only had one, cyclopean eye placed in the center of his face. He tried to scream but his mouth had been molded shut.
Lady Bow tossed his other eye up and down in her hand. “And you’re next, dog!”
Gromit felt a rush of wind behind him and knew the Boos were making a move. He lunged on all fours and weaved in and out of the pillars, trying to put distance between him and the mob. He opened one of the many doors and shut it behind him. He didn’t even know if a wall like that could stop them but he needed some time to process the last few moments.
If all the exits were locked tight, maybe they could get to the roof and escape. Judging from the size of the building, the mansion was about three stories tall, not including a likely basement. The stairs in the entrance and the stairs in the ballroom both led to the second floor. Gromit shook his head, there was no way they could go through so many floors without getting caught. And Wallace’s face would still be mutilated. No, the solution lied in brute force. He would have to defeat Lady Bow and restore Wallace that way.
That cold in his spine returned and he snapped on his light. One of the Boos had made it through the door, but the light stunned him. Instinctively, Gromit sucked up the stunned ghost. There was a struggle as the two went back and forth; they knocked over a side table and a pot in the process. In the end, it was Gromit that prevailed. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the Boo land in his pack. Gromit looked at his flashlight, and then at the vacuum nozzle. He nodded, for he had an idea.
Wallace made several noises with his mouth. He hadn’t stopped his exasperation, but it sounded like he was trying to form words. Lady Bow noticed this and asked, “What?” But of course he was nonsensical. She rolled his eyes and unzipped his mouth.
“Lady Bow, please,” Wallace explained. His arms and legs were tied up in a knot, he had to look up to meet her eyes. “Do what you must with me, but end the manhunt for my dog!”
“Manhunt! Oh, you two are so cute. I’m afraid I have two mounts on my wall, sir, and leaving one empty just won’t do.”
Suddenly, there was a popping noise from the ceiling. Lady Bow looked up and saw the lights on the chandelier flickering. In a panic she looked around the room for some explanation. In a dark corner all the way in the back, Gromit was kneeling by an outlet with his vacuum plugged in. He narrowed his eyes as the dozen bulbs burst above them and the room went dark.
Wallace might have been frightened of the high pitched screaming and chittering of the Boos, but instead he cheered on Gromit who was flashing a half dozen at once. He danced around the room sucking them all into his pack. “Atta boy, Gromit! Steady on!” Wallace said. But he saw Lady Bow quickly descending the staircase with her slapping fan ready: he knew he had to act fast. He lurched his body toward the stairs and bowled down them, one by one then all at once. He caught the ghost off guard and caused enough ruckus to grab Gromit’s attention.
Gromit used this distraction to catch Lady Bow with his light. He pulled as hard as he could but he could tell she had much more resistance than her lackeys. She might have broken away, but the tumble untangled Wallace! He stood up and placed his reclaimed eye back in its rightful place.
“I’m sorry Lady Bow,” he explained as he aimed his own vac. “We came to remove the ghosts and I’m afraid that includes you!”
“You’ll see me again, Wallace & Gromit!” Lady Bow exclaimed as she vanished into Wallace’s pack. The two friends breathed a heavy sigh of relief. They watched as the remaining Boos fled from the windows into the night sky.
“I expect we’ll be getting calls about those rascals in a few days’ time,” Wallace said. “In the meantime, I think someone might have an appointment with the bath.”
Gromit looked up at Wallace, hopefully. Wallace gave him a well-deserved pat. “Cracking job, Gromit. Now let’s go home for some cheese. All this Muenster mashing has me craving the real thing on a Jacob’s.” Gromit’s eyes smiled and the two left the mansion side by side.
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